An unconventional, honest look at the daily challenges of my 40s
Hi All, I don’t have a long blog today just a little thought I wanted to pass along. Keep dancing, BIG hugs! XOXO
Life, it’s a lovely, awkward, challenging, sometimes serene, sometimes feverish, but always beautiful dance with time.
Working from home, at a time when we are relegated to staying home, almost makes me feel like a snotty teen who got what she wanted and is still in temper tantrum mode. I’ve been dreaming of working from home for years, and now that I get to it’s been more challenging than I expected. Before I let this take over my world and the blahs set in, it’s time to focus on the blessings.
In some ways there are many comforts to being at home. I mean I literally have all the comforts of home, right? It’s a little slice of heaven being able to add sweats as my go to work pants, although I’m pretty sure my waistline is going to pay BIG time. It’s wonderful saving on gas money and the commute time is a total dream! There’s the bonus of being able to make my lunches and being able to throw in a load of laundry, between conference calls. I mean, that’s the kind of multi-tasking I can get behind.
Then there’s the bigger benefit of being home while my kids are for the first time navigating online school. This is bonus time I wouldn’t normally have shared with them and with one kid about to graduate and head off to college this time definitely makes my heart happy. Plus, I am thoroughly enjoying watching them manage unstructured schedules and find ways to meet these new expectations. The fact that they have acknowledged how challenging this is and have actually said they miss school tells you it must be rough! If you know my kids, you know, like most they hate the early morning schedule of getting to school. Now they are basically begging for it to start up again. I’m sure this has nothing to do with too much quality time with mom;)
I also get to be home to greet my fiance when he wraps his day up. I feel like I’m a part of the rhythm of the house. I’m here when he gets the dogs up and moving and I’m here when he walks in ready to wrap up his day. I feel more connected to him and everyone in the house. Many household chores would be taken on by one of us to get it off the to-do list, now we can do them together and it’s comforting. Like everyone we are making more meals at home and WFH lets me be a part of the cooking. Regular work weeks, my hours combined with my commute really didn’t allow for me to contribute to meal time and I missed it.
There may also be a little more TV watching , eating and drinking than prior to the social distancing era, but we have certainly found our fun there too. We were adventurous this weekend and enjoyed a couple new margarita mixes. While I miss sports, oh how I miss sports, we have managed to find some entertainment. I think finding the entertainment is just as much fun sometimes as what we end up watching. We certainly haven’t focused on personal growth, purely anything that brings some levity and entertainment; we’ve watched everything from RedBull challenges to a marble race to Ridiculousness and Tiger King. It has all helped us laugh, relax and occasionally shake our heads in disbelief.
Social distancing is a huge challenge and feels horrible at its core for so many reasons, from missing friends to worrying about the economy and so much more, its a long list. But, there are some ups to this unusual time we are in, from slowing down the day and getting better time with the people I love most to finding joy in old games, sharing recipes with friends and family, and learning new ways to virtually stay connected. It’s easy to let the change of pace we are all so accustomed to make it seem like we are bored or struggling to get through the day. Maybe we are just dropping down a gear and letting the daily race slow down a bit, allowing us to take in some of the beauty that is around us while we are “stuck” at home.
There are hundreds of challenges everyone is facing right now and uncertainty brings fear and stress into each day. We don’t have a lot of answers, we are facing a global pandemic and none of that brings calm or feels warm and fuzzy. Today, I wanted to reflect on the small moments I am blessed with. There are so many that make me smile each day. From puppy kisses to yummy dishes, and everything in between, I hope that each one of you have many small moments bringing an up to your day.
XOXO
A few months ago, my sister shared an article that she contributed to and it has had my mind going ever since. It’s a fast and easy read, basically about how when a person is emotional, sometimes they have a secondary response to how they are feeling. According to the article the most common emotional response is negative emotion can bring a second negative emotion.
I can relate to this. In a way it was somewhat liberating to read. You might be wondering why I felt liberated. The topic isn’t exactly fun or sassy, but it was something I immediately related to.
The link below will take you to the full article.
https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_deal_with_feeling_bad_about_your_feelings
Have you ever been so frustrated that you took that frustration and lectured yourself about how you knew better, and you can’t believe how stupid you were to expect anything but the worst? Or have you had a hard day, tears are flowing and feelings are hurt, maybe it’s heart break or maybe fear has you overwhelmed, or maybe you’re just having one of those days where you’re sad for some unknown reason you can’t even pin point (those are the worst, I blame hormones regardless of age!). If I’m having a day like this, I’m likely crying in the shower, I’ll manage to make myself pull it together and then as soon as I look in the mirror, BAM, I burst into tears all over again! What is it about a mirror that can keep the tears flowing?!?! Maybe I’m the only one this happens to, I kind of hope so, because it’s not a pretty sight.
Or has your heart ever been broken and besides crying and yelling at yourself in the mirror the next thing on the list to keep the tears flowing is turning on the sappiest, most heart wrenching music that will keep the sobs going? Music can be a very emotional trigger for me. If I’m angry, I’m probably going to play some Demi Lovato, that woman knows how to put emotion into her music! Depending on what might be influencing my emotions depends on what I play.
This is true for my happy moods too, I love anything that makes me want to dance! My absolute favorite music choice is anything that makes me feel close to the people I love. There are a hundred different reasons I may have a strong response to a song, maybe it’s a shared memory, maybe it was a milestone moment, maybe it’s the emotions of the lyrics and what they mean, but music can bring me down or be wonderfully therapeutic. From Bishop Briggs, to Meghan Trainor, to Foo Fighters, to Incubus, to Ludacris there is meaning and emotion to it all. When I think about it, the music I choose evokes far more positive influences and uplifting emotions than negative.
This article made me realize that not only am I not alone in the chain reaction of emotions, but that the negative ones really stand out and can shake my foundation. When I started thinking about not just the feelings I have every day, but the way I react so strongly to negative feelings, I realized I’m treating my emotions like I tend to treat compliments. You know what I mean, one person says something critical like, why did you color your hair? Immediately I feel awkward and dowdy. Ten others can ask where I got my hair done and compliment me but the one I stay hung up on is the one that was critical. This is something I’m trying to work on. It’s so easy to accept negative feedback, but positive comments are easily brushed aside. This is so wrong, and yet I must actively remind myself to enjoy the compliment. Basically when it comes to feelings, in my opinion, anger, frustration, hurt, and fear do not deserve a louder voice than pride, happiness, hope, and love.
I’ve been quiet for the last few months, a little was the holidays, a little was life and honestly some was me taking in how I handle and appreciate my own world. I’m very fortunate, I spend far more days happy than I do sad, scared, frustrated or angry. Yet the hard days can seem to overtake the ease of everyday life even though there are fewer of those moments. So, I’m trying something different. Why not take my downer days and whatever takes me there and combat it not by crying in the mirror, but by playing some music that reminds me of a better day, or some music that makes me want to dance, or by turning on Hallmark channel. Don’t laugh, Hallmark is my go-to sanctuary, no thinking required, only warm and fuzzy moments, heck the commercials are even easy going, zero horror movie commercials on Hallmark network😉 Yes, I’m a big wuss, but what works, works!
What I am finding is, life is emotional, and I can’t control my immediate response to what is thrown at me on the daily, but I can try to make my long-term response easier to handle. Part of me has always known my own perspective is the difference between a good day and a bad day. I think until I started taking in my emotions, I didn’t realize how much I allowed my feelings to wildly control my day. I feel like I finally realized I’d been doing it wrong. Why would I hold onto the negative??? Why wouldn’t I cherish all the happiness that surrounds me each day?!? I’m shutting out the negative white noise that inevitably enters each day and focusing on the parts of my day that matter: family, friends, home, and joy. By making small changes, and honestly by not being hard on myself, I’m learning to let the negative go, and hold on a little tighter to the happy moments.
If you see someone dancing and passionately singing completely off key in the car next to you in traffic, it might be me getting my happy on😊 Sending BIG hugs and hoping everyone has something that helps keep a little extra happiness in their day!
I am without a doubt failing on my diet goals. Technically I’m still below where I started, so we will call that a step in the right direction. Although Thanksgiving is this week, and I for one plan on enjoying it, soooooo that might mean I’m right back to where I started a couple of months ago. Even so, I think there is a silver lining.
Why am I not mad at myself? That’s a good question. Like most people in their 40’s I have a plenty of things that distract me from my personal goals. Work, the kids, a house, and I have had some medical challenges mixed in along the way. That’s life, a bunch of distractions from the focuses we feel are important. Dieting usually finds its way to a top focus. Maybe I’m trying to hold onto or regain my figure from my younger days, maybe I feel like if I do lose the weight, I’m still young. Hahaha I know, some of my thoughts are somewhat delusional😉. Whatever the reason, dieting usually has a way of either making me feel good or feel really horrible about myself.
Failing while dieting happens, and yet I use the failure as an opportunity to squash any confidence I have in myself. Rather than considering what life is slinging at me, or even just understanding that I’m human and its ok to fail sometimes, my inner voice has all kinds of nasty it throws my way, making me feel even more miserable. You know the kind of defeat that makes you want the extra slice of pizza, followed by a tub of ice cream, all eaten while watching The Biggest Loser. All of which reminds me of my serious lack of backbone.
ENOUGH!!! That’s me yelling back at myself! I’m saying enough is enough. While I haven’t lost all the weight I wanted to, and I certainly haven’t jumped on a treadmill, I have done some good things. No, I haven’t adopted any life changing eating habits, I have managed some minor adjustments to my old habits. So, what have I done that’s good???
I have found a way to get through the normal daily challenges, a move, a couple of medical procedures and some not so exciting news about an upcoming surgery. I have managed to do this because thankfully I have help and support. The love and support in my life is something I am beyond grateful for and fortunate to have. Without that support I may have seriously shut down. Instead, I have been able to spend time with my loved ones and friends. We have been having fun, getting dressed up for trivia night, planning holiday gatherings, decorating and enjoying the wonderful life that unfolds in front of us every day.
Maybe its because of the holiday season but I feel like this is where my focus should be. If I can be there to support my friends and family, if I make time to teach the kids a life lesson(whether they are ready for it or not), if I can find time to relax and share a laugh with my unconventional family or a friend, isn’t that what I should reflect on at the end of the day? Um, HELL YEAH it is! Basically 90% of life is headed the right direction, that’s just about as good as it gets!
My 40’s have made me appreciate that time is a gift. I don’t want silly distractions, like a number on the scale robbing me of it. Each year I am reminded of how much the kids change, and how the moments throughout the year and especially at the holidays are unique every time. I want to soak it all up, even the inevitable family bickering. Let’s face it, the bickering is often the entertainment😉
I would love for everyone to give themselves the gift of kindness and understanding this holiday. It’s easy to take a breath and be kind to a stranger, we’re taught that from an early age. It should be just as easy to be kind, and patient to ourselves. Be as understanding and forgiving when we miss a goal as we would if a friend did. I want to focus on enjoying all the wonderful moments the holidays are sure to bring and better yet truly enjoy and have fun with all the wonderful people in my life. Hoping your holiday season is already off to a warm, cozy and happy start!
I closed on my house yesterday, woohoo😊 Everything has either been moved into storage or moved in! Notice I said moved in, not actually unpacked. I’m seriously wishing I had a fairy Godmother. You know one simple bippity boppity boo and everything would dance right into place.
There’s so much stuff! It has officially taken over the house which is starting to produce some serious anxiety for my BF and I. Clutter has a way of making me feel scattered, probably because I can’t find what I need. Or, maybe it’s because it brings out the procrastinator in me. I’m not much for avoidance, I mean that never solves any problems, but when the clutter and chaos get to a certain point, it’s tough to get motivated. Who wants to dive into the mound of randomness that has built up over the last several weeks?
On the upside it’s not because of my once very sloppy nature; in my 20’s my closet was a waist high pile of clothes mounded on the floor, I would spend tons of time digging until I found what I wanted. My high school locker was even worse, I couldn’t even close it, I think at one point I was keeping things in my friend’s lockers. I was such a mess, it’s amazing I got through a day back then! At least at this point in my life I can blame the mess on moving.
This mess is rapidly becoming a serious problem, it looks like it could threaten my ability to start decorating for Christmas! That is so not happening. Hallmark Christmas movies are in full swing, the leaves are falling, Thanksgiving is early this year, and all the decorations are under one roof. I even know where we put them. My BF dedicated an entire storage area for Christmas decorations. Basically, that means this mess has got to go by the end of this weekend! The kitchen will be completely cleaned and organized, the kids are going to wrap up putting their remaining items away and I will take advantage of the organizing Jon did yesterday and wrap up the garage.
I’m ready to tap into my inner Clark Griswold and bust out the blow ups for the yard, oh yeah… that’s plural!!! I’m pretty sure my mom was on the verge of disowning me because of my love of holiday blow ups. Last year for my birthday I was given a 12’ Santa’s sleigh for the front, I’m not sure if he noticed when we moved, but I brought an 8’ snowman, a cute blow up Christmas tree and a happy penguin. I might be the only person who admits to loving these fine decorations, but it’s all good. What they lack in class they make up for in making people smile. Last year Carter proved my theory that they make people happy. As soon as he saw Santa’s sleigh he ran yup and gave Santa a big ol’ hug. (I should probably mention Carter was 4 at the time😊). That’s really the goal, we want to make people feel welcome, have some fun, create new memories and make the house twinkle inside and out!
It’s time to start thinking about gathering with family, baking some goodies, listening to holiday music, watching our favorite movies, and playing some games. It’s definitely the most wonderful time of the year!!!
There are such a variety of Pet Peeves. Here are a few things that get my blood simmering.
I hate when I am blow drying my hair and it gets sucked in the end and knots up causing me to rip the hair out of the blow dryer, leaving a mangled mess, GRRR!
Another one that gets me, when cabinet doors are left open after someone grabs a cup. I’ve done this and yes it was like a double whammy I’m annoyed and then annoyed at myself… You know, I rolled my eyes at my own laziness, and I totally deserved it!
There’s nothing worse, especially on a Monday, than getting in my car with my morning RedBull, hands full, and all the cupholders are filled from the day before.
How about when you go through a drive through and you are looking forward to the fries and they forget the sauce, I mean seriously how hard is it to throw sauce in the bag?!?
Does it bother you when you hold the door open for someone and they don’t say thank you? I mean I know its not going to change their life, but come on how hard is it to smile and nod?!?
Then there are the daily offenders, socks are at the top of this list. How could socks possibly be a pet peeve? I mean they are cozy, they can be comforting, they keep the stink out of our shoes, and they have all kinds of cute, fun prints, so really what could possibly be my issue with socks? Maybe the issue is with my daughter and socks just get a bad rap. She is notorious for arriving home and immediately taking her shoes and socks off and leaving them wherever she was at that moment. She might leave them in the foyer, family room, kitchen, even the bathroom. Where she never leaves them, her bedroom or the laundry basket. No, no, she’d much prefer to get the daily eye roll and lecture asking why is it so hard to put them in the laundry?? Every day, I see them and still somehow, I’m surprised each time.
My BF hates when laundry doesn’t get completely done. I like this one because there are levels to this pet peeve. If the clothes are left in the dryer, but dry that’s just annoying to him, insert eye roll and sigh of annoyance. I get it, you either have wrinkles or a repeat dryer cycle which wastes time and energy. The bigger offense is if the load gets left in the wash over night. Imagine the discovery of clean clothes sitting in moisture slowly turning to a funky, wet mess, now that’s not how anyone wants to start the day and definitely qualifies as a serious offense. He’s right too, that smell is hard to make go away! Thank goodness for the timers on our phones, cell phone technology that can save the day😉
Why do Pet Peeves get to us? The reactions are varied; it could be anything from an annoyed sigh, an eye roll, a muttered lecture given under my breath seething with annoyance and possibly some creative language. If it’s a serious annoyance and I’m alone in the car and having a bad day it could even be full blown yelling at the poor unsuspecting person. Thankfully, they can’t hear me.
I find people are passionate about what annoys them. We can seriously commit to being appalled by things others do, like heavy breathers or people who drag their teeth down their fork when they eat. Overall when I think about my own pet peeves I am amused. In general, none of my pet peeves will change my day or impact me long term. Most of them either can’t be controlled (heavy breathers, traffic) or the annoyance can easily be remedied. I mean how hard is it to throw out a couple of old soda cans to clear space in the car, or pick up a pair of socks, or close the cabinet that was left open???
There are so many challenges that creep into each day, I wonder if the reason we let the steam out on pet peeves is because we are expected to keep it together at work, at home, for the kids, at practices, with friends, during family gatherings etc. I think pet peeves might be our safe place. The few moments we get where it is safe to temporarily lose our minds and let out a little crazy! Think about it, friends and family, even strangers are typically understanding of losing your cool over something otherwise considered most likely a petty inconvenience. Maybe pet peeves are the key to staying sane in this wonderful yet frustrating, sometimes exciting and scary, fast paced world we all live in.
What’s your biggest pet peeve and how do you let out your frustrations? Go ahead and let the crazy out, you’ll feel better later!
The list of things they were right about is long, but what I’m feeling today in particular is how fast time seems to pass these days. My parents always said blink and you’ll miss it. I didn’t realize how quickly the phases of life can pass by, it really does take focus to take it all in.
I have no idea where October has gone, and it’s one of my favorite months! In September I was thinking about the kids’ Fall break and how easy going it would be this year. I mean my son is driving which is a help for rides and my daughter didn’t have practices for Sensations. The only things to manage were regular dance practices, soccer practices, football practices and a couple of games, piece of cake! Sometimes I surprise myself with my naïve thoughts😊
There were fewer practices, and no homework, yay!!! Let me tell you it is very humbling when your kids come to you for help with homework and what they put down in front of you may as well be written in a different language. I’m always happy when there’s no homework, that means a week of not trying to disguise my in ability to provide a legit assist with homework. It means not having to creatively look for a solution that makes it sound like they should have to work for the answers. So, woohoo, no school! What I forgot about was all the extras, the random dentist appointments, the packing of my kids’ rooms that needed to happen and oh yeah, they have a social life now.
I think I saw even less of the kids over break than I do on our normally hectic week. The house was always buzzing with teenagers. Picture a bee hive, and all the busy bees and their buddies, that’s pretty accurate. I think on a given night we had as few as 4 teen boys, and I think we maxed out at 9 one night. It was a fun, but a busy Fall break. We quickly realized Sunday night is our only night to have a family dinner where everyone is together and there are no games, practices or friends. Sorry kiddos, Sunday is officially family time.
I think that’s why time moves so quickly as an adult. Every year that passes the kids change substantially. Driving was such a game changer. I barely see my son any more because he doesn’t need a ride. He works, plays sports, has school and a social life. It feels like overnight everything changed.
High School is a massive change too. The changes in the physical appearance of the kids throughout the 4 years is noticeable for sure. What really makes me feel older is the change in who they are. Growing into their personalities, gaining confidence in who they are, making mistakes and trying to solve them without help. That last item is a love/ hate part of the teen years for me as a parent. I like that the kids are problem solving, if I’m honest, I miss always being the go-to helper. The biggest challenge is not trying to stress, I really wish they had a better understanding of when maybe their buddies shouldn’t be the voice of reason and solution.
So far, we are managing without anything catastrophic changing their paths, thank goodness and knock on wood. I know this can change at any minute. Sometimes I wish things would slow down so I could catch up a little. As time passes and the challenge of having kids changes to the challenge of teens, then to the challenge of teen/adults and eventually adults, I am mostly filled with pride and amazement at what I’m learning along the way and the amazing people that are growing up in front of my eyes. In other words, MIND BLOWN!
I know I’ve been a bit MIA over the last couple of weeks. I’m not sure if you operate the same way I do, but when I’m overwhelmed I tend to get quiet. It doesn’t really matter if things are going really well, or if life is getting challenging. In general, any extremes tend to occupy my brain leaving me quiet. Lately, life has been keeping me busy!
There is always the normal everyday activities; work, kids school schedules, sports etc. These don’t tend to keep my mind busy, they are a part of my life that hums along with the seasons. The changes in these activities are generally expected and help keep life interesting. Speaking of seasons, it’s Fall, my favorite season! I love the crisp sky, hoody and jeans weather, bon fires, smores, spiked cider and cuddling up under a blanket. Just thinking about Fall makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.
I’ve had a lot of excitement in the last few weeks. My BF and I decided it’s time to get our Brady Bunch on. We are officially blending. This required periodically having conversations with our kids, testing their comfort levels and prepping everyone for the change. It was important to both of us to start to find ways to make his home a comfy home for everyone. I bring a girl into the mix, so you know what that means, make up, lots of shoes and OMG tampons!! I’m surprised that didn’t send him running for the hills! It’s been fun starting the move and catching a little tv with the whole family on the couch, even the two dogs joined in. I spent a lot of time overthinking, I do this occasionally😉 I was so worried about all the kids and what might overwhelm them. Well, it turns out my daughter’s biggest concern was if she could add some snack foods to the pantry! I was like um yeah, add it to the grocery list!!!! You know I was getting my 80’s Cabbage Patch Dance on after that, talk about relief!
Blending also meant listing my house for sale. Getting a house ready to go on the market at the end of September seemed like rolling the dice. Is the market good? Am I too late in the season? Did I price it right? Is it clean enough and most importantly how do I keep it clean while its listed?!? Two teens does not equal neat and tidy😉 Like all things in my life, I decided if it’s meant to be it will be. I did a little painting, cleaned and officially listed September 29th. It sold in 6 hours!!! All that worrying was so unnecessary. Now things just got real, looks like it’s time to get packing.
While all those things seem like enough to keep my mind occupied, there’s more. I’ve shared with you I have a history of cancer. Fortunately, I am here experiencing a wonderful life, unfortunately I am constantly going in for tests and scans when something seems off. Over the last couple of months, I have had a pain in my side on and off, over the last three weeks it has become constant. Pain is a warning, I can’t ignore, actually no one should ignore pain. (Here’s the official PSA; if you are in pain go see your dr, no excuses!!!). I went in for a CT and some ultra sounds. They found a 9cm cyst on my liver and polyps in my gall bladder. That was last week, you know right before my house hit the market…. ahh timing! This week I went in for an MRI, they confirmed the size of the cyst but were also able to confirm it is not cancerous!!!! WoOoOooHOooOoOo!!!!
Monday I will go to a GI specialist and get an official game plan to move forward. I’m sure surgery of some sort will be needed but I don’t have those details just yet. I am so stopped up from the pain meds, my eyes are really REALLY brown. You might remember I’m participating in a Biggest Loser challenge, let me tell ya, pain meds while I’m trying to lose weight is so not helping the number on the scale shrink. In fact, this week it went up! That’s ok though, I’m secretly hoping this cyst weighs like 5 lbs., I mean if I’m gonna have surgery, it may as well help me bring home a Biggest Loser win😉
Overall, I am very fortunate and certainly counting my blessings. I couldn’t be more excited about what the future holds. I get to look forward to new traditions and more people to love, life is feeling pretty wonderful! Hugs and Love
Hahahahahahaha, not quite! I’m ok with that. Do I think my friends and I are making the most of our 40’s? Hell yeah! I have a feeling that’s why I know 40’s are not the same as my 30’s.
There’s the obvious, metabolism slows done, random ailments seem to start showing up at a moments notice, the laugh lines are starting to have babies. I’m definitely tired and let’s just say I don’t bounce back from a fun night quite as easily as I once did.
There’s the not so obvious. I’ve started to have a deeper appreciation for my life. I am proud of what I’ve managed to accomplish and I’m shocked that my kids survived their youth, so I’m pretty pleased with those results so far. Let’s face it, if there was a parenting 101 handbook I didn’t read it. I no longer worry that someone disagrees with the drink I sent them to school with or the tv show we watched last night. I have confidence in my choices or at least have stopped fretting over trying to make everyone else happy. It’s much easier to focus on my family, plus they’re the ones I should’ve been thinking about the whole time! Why exactly did I let the judgmental glares of others even take up part of my day???? My biggest parking lot concern now is getting through the school parking lot without getting hit by a teen driver, scary but much easier to think about than the glares of the past.
My Forties have brought me pride, guiltless pride which I love! I’ve become less concerned with what others have accomplished. It took until my forties but I’ve finally grasped that we all have different abilities, we start with different challenges and benefits and it’s actually a good thing. It’s not something to use to make myself feel like I have failed or I am a bad parent, friend, employee etc. It’s really a blessing we all have different talents and stress hits us at different times. If all my friends were having problems at the same time who would be there to help get everyone on track!?!
Silly but one of the best parts of being 40, is appreciating my body; dimples, veins, ailments and all. I was forever comparing myself to others when I was younger. Now I compare myself to me. This has been a mental and physical change for me. I think at some point I went from wanting to look good to wanting to feel good about me. I want to actually feel good in my own skin. In the past, my brain wanted to look like the models we all compare ourselves to, but I’m gonna go with genetics had a different plan. Now, I’m happy because I feel good [most days; we all PMS sometimes!], I feel like my confidence shows and my BF just has to smile at me and then I feel like one of Beyoncé’s girls. You know the ones that run the world;)
So aging has its ups and downs. I am really enjoying the ups. Confidence feels good and freedom, well that’s down right liberating. Funny thing, I’m pretty sure the change wasn’t really how many days I’ve lived as much as learning to change the way I look at my days. My perspective is probably one of the most powerful things in my day and I can control that! WOW, just typing that made me start singing the Beyoncé Who Run the World song again:)
At this point I realize it’s not that life isn’t fair, life is life. Everyone has bad days, devastating ones even. Everyone also has wonderful days that fill our hearts with joy<3 When things are truly starting to become overwhelming I remind myself of how insanely good my next good day is gonna feel, because its true. I’ve come to understand and appreciate without the rain I would surely lose my appreciation for the sun.
Yesterday I had a long conversation with my kids. The topic was drama and why people seem so judgmental. My daughter had said even her friends who say they don’t want to be a part of drama, will in the next breath start criticizing people. She’s knows that usually they don’t know the person, it only takes a second and people are bonding over criticizing. Talk about intimidating!
I told her I wished that I could say that changes but to a certain extent it’s human nature. Not the uplifting sentiment either of them were hoping to hear. I reminded them, all you can do is be kind, even when others aren’t at their best. No one knows why someone is short tempered, or harsh. They could be in the midst of a problem they have no idea how to face. It’s possible they could be a ginormous jerk, but for my own sanity, I prefer to think most of the time people are having a bad day and need someone to be kind.
My kids both get this, they’ve had days where they were short tempered, or they’ve watched me come home and be feisty as all get out. It usually starts with me nagging them about whatever they’ve left on the kitchen counter. They know this means, watch out, Mom is in a mood. In general, they don’t see me as a big crab ass, thank goodness. So, we chalk those moments up to being human.
The thing they were both stuck on is what people think of them, either based on how they look, or what they are involved in, or where they live etc. They worry about what people think of how they dress. they worry about people judging their friends. My son worried about what people will think because he made JV soccer instead of Varsity. The list of things popping into their mind is long. No wonder teenagers are so stressed out!
My advice was simple. What people think of me is none of my business. I wish you could have seen their faces. The look basically said, ok Mom has lost her marbles. So I explained, I truly believe I don’t need to know. You can’t control what people say, especially people who don’t know you well. Knowing deep down that we all have bad days, but we approach our days with kindness and work hard each day needs to be enough to hush the chatter of others. If you spend all your time worrying about it, you’ll only feel bad about yourself and “ain’t nobody got time for that!”
