parenting Archives - happyhangry40s

The list of things they were right about is long, but what I’m feeling today in particular is how fast time seems to pass these days. My parents always said blink and you’ll miss it. I didn’t realize how quickly the phases of life can pass by, it really does take focus to take it all in.

I have no idea where October has gone, and it’s one of my favorite months! In September I was thinking about the kids’ Fall break and how easy going it would be this year. I mean my son is driving which is a help for rides and my daughter didn’t have practices for Sensations. The only things to manage were regular dance practices, soccer practices, football practices and a couple of games, piece of cake! Sometimes I surprise myself with my naïve thoughts😊

There were fewer practices, and no homework, yay!!! Let me tell you it is very humbling when your kids come to you for help with homework and what they put down in front of you may as well be written in a different language. I’m always happy when there’s no homework, that means a week of not trying to disguise my in ability to provide a legit assist with homework. It means not having to creatively look for a solution that makes it sound like they should have to work for the answers. So, woohoo, no school! What I forgot about was all the extras, the random dentist appointments, the packing of my kids’ rooms that needed to happen and oh yeah, they have a social life now.

I think I saw even less of the kids over break than I do on our normally hectic week. The house was always buzzing with teenagers. Picture a bee hive, and all the busy bees and their buddies, that’s pretty accurate. I think on a given night we had as few as 4 teen boys, and I think we maxed out at 9 one night. It was a fun, but a busy Fall break. We quickly realized Sunday night is our only night to have a family dinner where everyone is together and there are no games, practices or friends. Sorry kiddos, Sunday is officially family time.

I think that’s why time moves so quickly as an adult. Every year that passes the kids change substantially. Driving was such a game changer. I barely see my son any more because he doesn’t need a ride. He works, plays sports, has school and a social life. It feels like overnight everything changed.

High School is a massive change too. The changes in the physical appearance of the kids throughout the 4 years is noticeable for sure. What really makes me feel older is the change in who they are. Growing into their personalities, gaining confidence in who they are, making mistakes and trying to solve them without help. That last item is a love/ hate part of the teen years for me as a parent. I like that the kids are problem solving, if I’m honest, I miss always being the go-to helper. The biggest challenge is not trying to stress, I really wish they had a better understanding of when maybe their buddies shouldn’t be the voice of reason and solution.

So far, we are managing without anything catastrophic changing their paths, thank goodness and knock on wood. I know this can change at any minute. Sometimes I wish things would slow down so I could catch up a little. As time passes and the challenge of having kids changes to the challenge of teens, then to the challenge of teen/adults and eventually adults, I am mostly filled with pride and amazement at what I’m learning along the way and the amazing people that are growing up in front of my eyes. In other words, MIND BLOWN!

Yesterday I had a long conversation with my kids. The topic was drama and why people seem so judgmental. My daughter had said even her friends who say they don’t want to be a part of drama, will in the next breath start criticizing people. She’s knows that usually they don’t know the person, it only takes a second and people are bonding over criticizing. Talk about intimidating!

I told her I wished that I could say that changes but to a certain extent it’s human nature. Not the uplifting sentiment either of them were hoping to hear. I reminded them, all you can do is be kind, even when others aren’t at their best. No one knows why someone is short tempered, or harsh. They could be in the midst of a problem they have no idea how to face. It’s possible they could be a ginormous jerk, but for my own sanity, I prefer to think most of the time people are having a bad day and need someone to be kind.

My kids both get this, they’ve had days where they were short tempered, or they’ve watched me come home and be feisty as all get out. It usually starts with me nagging them about whatever they’ve left on the kitchen counter. They know this means, watch out, Mom is in a mood. In general, they don’t see me as a big crab ass, thank goodness. So, we chalk those moments up to being human.

The thing they were both stuck on is what people think of them, either based on how they look, or what they are involved in, or where they live etc. They worry about what people think of how they dress. they worry about people judging their friends. My son worried about what people will think because he made JV soccer instead of Varsity. The list of things popping into their mind is long. No wonder teenagers are so stressed out!

My advice was simple. What people think of me is none of my business. I wish you could have seen their faces. The look basically said, ok Mom has lost her marbles. So I explained, I truly believe I don’t need to know. You can’t control what people say, especially people who don’t know you well. Knowing deep down that we all have bad days, but we approach our days with kindness and work hard each day needs to be enough to hush the chatter of others. If you spend all your time worrying about it, you’ll only feel bad about yourself and “ain’t nobody got time for that!”

Tag: parenting

My Parents Were So Right…

It’s None of My Business